Philophobia
by Kaira-chan
Summary: [Not Happy Ending] Yuki didn't know why Shuichi did this to him, and he didn't know why he allowed him to.


Inspired slightly by Misura's fic Grave Words.

By slightly I mean: I had the idea for a while, I read her story, and then I decided to write mine XD

No, it doesn't end happily, sorry to say. But I'm not big on Happy Endings (tm). XD

I don't own Gravitation.

Philophobia – _n._ Fear of falling in love.

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Yuki couldn't figure out what it was about Shuichi that attracted him to him. He was loud, obnoxious and never happy, not matter how hard Yuki tried. He was like a woman almost, except without the breasts and a lot more annoying.

Yuki couldn't figure out why he always tried to hard to please Shuichi. No matter what he did, Shuichi was always dissatisfied, so he tried harder and always ended up making things worse. He shouldn't care if Shuichi was happy or unhappy, as long as he gave him what he wanted.

Yuki couldn't figure out why he let Shuichi move in with him. He had never committed to anyone or anything for as long as he could remember. So why start now? Why start with the obnoxious little ingrate.

Most of all, Yuki couldn't figure out what it was about Shuichi that had made him so loyal. He couldn't figure out why now he couldn't sleep with another woman without an overwhelming sense of guilt, until finally he just gave up on everyone else all together.

Shuichi had made his life a living hell, more or less. He had brought up his past, nearly burned down the house making breakfast on numerous occasions, made his father even more cautious around him and made him feel guilty whenever he was doing something he knew Shuichi wouldn't approve of.

Yet, he almost forgot about that in moments like these. Moments where it was just he and Shuichi, laying on the bed or the ground or on the couch like they were now, bodies pressed against each other and Shuichi half asleep, cuddling up with him (another thing! He was Eiri Yuki! He did _not_ cuddle!).

"I love you, Yuki," Shuichi murmured. Yuki stayed silent, didn't move at all. Shuichi grabbed his hand, which was over the younger boys shoulder. "It's okay if you don't say it back, Yuki. I know you love me back."

Yuki knew it, too. He didn't want to admit it, not even to himself. He didn't want to say the words, in his head our out of his mouth. He wasn't sure if he could. It was one of the few things in his life that frightened him. Actually frightened him, frightened him so much that he could barely move or speak.

He knew what he had to do, though. He knew it in the pits of his stomach, and the bottom of his heart. He knew that what he was about to do was the best for both he and Shuichi, despite the fact that the other part of his heart told him it wasn't.

"Go to sleep," Yuki commanded. Like always, Shuichi listened.

Shuichi woke up early the next day. The first thing he realized was that he wasn't in his and Yuki's bed, instead still on the couch where he had fallen asleep the night before.

He got up and stretched, immediately aware of his own nudity.

Oh well, he reasoned, it's not like neither he nor Yuki would mind much.

He got up, and went to their room, fully intent on waking Yuki up. He stopped in the doorway when he noticed the empty bed, made neatly.

"Yuki?" he called, slipping on some boxers and going into the kitchen to get something to eat. He received no answer, but he did notice the single white piece of paper hanging on the fridge.

He pulled it off, curious, and read.

_Shuichi,_

_ I've gone. If you truly care about me, then you won't look for me. This isn't like before, and if you find me again I'll just keep moving. _

_ Leave me alone. If you love me as much as you say you do, you'll listen to me. _

_ - Yuki._

Shuichi stared at the note in his hand, trying to figure out what it meant. When he finally did, he convinced himself it was a joke and laughed heartedly, then called for Yuki to come out.

It took him three days to realize it wasn't a joke. He convinced himself that Yuki would come back though. Yuki had always come back before. He had planned to go looking for Yuki, then remembered the line in the note; _If you truly care about me..._

It was a test, he told himself. Yuki would be back, he told himself, because Yuki always came back, and they couldn't imagine life without the other.

He hoped for Yuki to come back, but he never did.

-OWARI-

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Please Read and Review. Con Crit more than welcome, flames will be mocked.


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